i feel like i was reading something in my head because i totally know how you feel about your post "i need an outlet".
but, i will pass along something someone told me since i met them--just be yourself. don't be bogged down by what other people think or say about you. they don't matter. yes, they might have a say in it (like your family), but it ultimately comes down to you.
if that means throwing old clothes in plastic bags and just plopping them in front of your mom, then do it. as far as grades are concerned, you did the best you can do. you can't really go back and change things, so don't regret anything.
even though i just know you through tumblr, i can tell you're an amazing person. "do you" is all i can say. if people don't like what they hear or see, then that's their loss; they are missing out on meeting an awesome person. it's your life, not theirs so do what makes you happy. it makes each day more bearable when you are not putting up a front for anyone.
PS: sorry if this is really long. i have been there and i know it sucks. so this was my attempt to help :D
thank you so much for the advice, it really means a lot to me! but yeah, i’m definitely trying to just do what i want regardless of what people may think/say. it’s going to be challenge because i tend to put everyone else before myself and it’s a hard habit to change. it’s always nice to know that there are people who have been through the same thing and have gotten past it because it gives me hope that i can do the same :)
on a brighter side of things: things have gotten a little better since yesterday, so i’ve got my fingers crossed that my parents won’t find something else in my life to nitpick at!
I hate you. Okay, maybe not hate, more like I’m really annoyed at you. Don’t get me wrong, I like coming home and seeing my family and spending time with them, but then there are times when I’m just so fed up with everything. I don’t think there has been one day since I’ve been back where I didn’t get yelled at for something.
For instance, I just got yelled at because apparently it was my fault that my brother dropped a bag of bricks on his toe. Yeah. Because apparently I put too many bricks in the bag… okay sure. He could have taken them out. My mom’s response? “Well, it’s because you stacked them so prettily your brother didn’t want to take them back out.”
Huh? In what world does that make sense? I’m just so fed up with taking the blame for pretty much everything.
Oh, and I told my dad I got a B in my psych class and I already beat myself up over that grade (I’ve bitched about it to enough people already, which I apologize for) and my dad bitches at me for it. Yay, as if I don’t give myself enough shit for it.
I really just wanted to take a nap before I start studying for my lit final tomorrow. I mean, I was really tired; I felt my eyes closing as I was eating dinner with Sarah. But no, the second I crawl into my bed and get all comfortable I was wide awake. Then when I’m just about to drift off to sleep my phone goes off. Sarah comes back into the room and we talked for a bit before she goes upstairs to study and I’m lying in bed about to fall asleep but I get uberly thirsty and someone was knocking really loudly on people’s doors. So now all I can think about is how loud it is and how thirsty I am but I don’t want to drink water :( Then I start thinking about my lit final and how I should be studying, then I start thinking about what I’m doing over the summer and about my road test and then just random problems here and there. And then I started thinking about how I want to take a shower. Then I got upset because I really wanted to sleep but couldn’t so I started thinking about how big of a fail my nap turned out to be.
MY MIND WOULD NOT SHUT UP.
So now I’m showered but barely awake (still extremely thirsty even though I pretty much chugged my bottle of water) and not wanting to study.